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Not your average writer

Birthday 2024: I won’t fear AI

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My birthday

Note: Today isn’t my birthday, but it’s definitely my birth month.

This is a continuation of my 2023 birthday post.

Since I shared my thoughts on AI last year, the technology has become a lot more sophisticated. There’s now AI that can produce convincing, life-like videos. AI that can mimic voices with just a few seconds of human voice sample. Etc., etc.

People continue to worry about the increasingly fast pace of AI development. Lots of talk about potential job losses, possibly in the millions. For example, artists are angry that AI image generators can generate beautiful and convincing images almost as well as human artists can, in much less time.

Side note: AI proponents like to say that people need not fear AI taking over jobs, because AI could do all the tedious laborious tasks and leave people more time for creative pursuits. Well, we now have AI doing creative work like illustrations almost as well as humans can. Ironic!

So, where do all these developments leave us humans? People bring up creativity a lot. They say AI can never be truly creative like humans can. I agree that creativity is crucial. That said, there’s something else that I feel isn’t talked about as much.

Life experiences

It’s something I noticed about many of the beloved ground breakers in the arts, media, and literature. They have rich and varied life experiences that influence their works.

J.R.R. Tolkien’s experiences as a soldier in World War I had a significant impact on his Lord of The Rings masterpiece. It’s evident in his depiction of Frodo and Sam’s strong bond, the kind of bond soldiers develop as they face the horrors of war. Tolkien also drew inspiration from his professional field of Philology and his Christian faith, among other things.

Hirohiko Araki is the creator of the wildly successful and long-running manga and anime series, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures. His JoJo characters are iconic: rippling muscles and unique power poses. Araki’s inspiration for his characters came from classical Renaissance sculptures. He also got his ideas from his travels around the world and pop culture.

AI by its nature does not have life experiences. It cannot experience the world through the five senses. It does not know pain or joy. It does not mature or struggle.

AI? It will only ever be as good as the data you feed it. Clean, properly annotated data that must be updated regularly by people.

I refuse to be discouraged by AI

I used to be upset about AI taking over my crafts.

Now, I just want to focus on getting good at what I love to do, AI or not. I have a life to live, things to discover (and rediscover), and so much to explore.

I don’t find it helpful to follow the AI debates among various factions closely. It’s a waste of time to get angry at the AI bros, or the people who conduct witch hunts to expose AI users

Humans have always found various ways to express themselves for millennia. AI can’t take away human expression; it’s in our nature.

I will continue to hone my crafts and experience life fully, come what may.

Happy birthday.

Birthday 2023: AI and I

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My birthday

What a time to be alive

I hear that the world is in the midst of another industrial revolution. This time, the revolution is powered by artificial intelligence (AI).

Of course, there’s nothing new about AI. AI has been around since the mid-20th century. There’s also nothing new about people predicting that AI will upend the world and life as we know it.

So, what’s all this sudden excitement (and trepidation) about a revolution?

Last year, 2022, OpenAI released the conversational AI chatbot ChatGPT. ChatGPT can converse with users about pretty much any topic in a human-like way. It can also quickly write essays, poems, songs, emails, and many kinds of text. Again, in a human-like way.

Then there’re the rise of AI image generators like Midjourney. These can produce photos, cartoons, fanart, and other digital images almost as well as a human artist.

Many people did not expect AI to reach this almost human stage so soon. Some tech leaders are calling for a halt to any further AI developments. Sceptics say that there is way too much hype about what AI can possibly do. Regular people wonder what an increasingly intelligent AI means for their job security and livelihoods.

In the midst of all these developments, there’s me

Trying to find my place in a world that is changing faster and faster.

Trying to do meaningful work in a world where AI is deployed in almost every industry.

Trying to be creative in a world where AI can produce creative work that looks pretty convincing.

I’ve always been the broody, introspective sort. So, I can’t help but observe all the tech and social developments around me and wonder about their implications. For me, for the people I love, for humanity as a whole. Short-term implications and long-term ones.

What does it mean to be human, especially in a world where AI is growing faster in terms of intelligence?

What does it mean to be a good human, in a highly technological society?

Is universal basic income really the answer to AI taking over the workforce?

How feasible would it be to build AI based on Asimov’s three laws of robotics?

Will we eventually have androids that look and behave almost exactly like humans, like the ones Phillip K. Dick envisioned?

Perhaps we won’t have highly convincing androids, but cybernetically enhanced humans, like in Cyberpunk: Edgerunners?

A ship of Theseus type problem: If we’re more and more cybernetically enhanced, at what point do we lose our humanity and become robots?

What will my next birthday look like?

It’ll be interesting to see what kind of answers I will arrive at, by the time my next birthday rolls around. Given that technology is advancing faster and faster, I won’t be surprised if 2024 turns out to be a different world.

I don’t think I’ll have any definite answers to my questions come next year. I bet I’ll have new questions to ask myself.

Or not.

Some questions are classic and eternal.

Happy birthday.

Birthday 2022: Where to next?

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My job contract is ending soon.

This has nothing to do with my work performance, or something I did. I’m not leaving on a bad note. The company is good in many ways and it would have been nice to become a full-timer. Some things weren’t meant to be, I guess.

That said, I’m not too sad. Two years there is long enough. It’s about time to move on to a new adventure.

What would that new adventure look like, I wonder?

Where I have been

I’ve been doing a lot of self-discovery and introspection throughout the pandemic.

What do I want? What’s meaningful to me? How do I get what I want? Who should I speak to? Etc.

All that musing is partly why I have not written for this blog for months. I didn’t know where to go with the blog. More specifically, I was trying to figure out various aspects of life and didn’t know what was worth writing about.

I don’t want to miss writing a birthday post though, which is why I have resurfaced.

Normalcy returns, opportunities beckon

I got laid off in March 2020. A few weeks later, Singapore, like many other parts of the world, went into lockdown. So much uncertainty, fear, and stress.

I joined this company in Jun 2020. Everything about my job has happened online. From the interviews to onboarding to the day-to-day work. I have never once stepped into the office as there is no strong reason for me to do so. I don’t even have a staff pass. The only times I have met my colleagues are at a couple of team lunches.

Now my job is coming to an end, just as the pandemic is winding down. It is heartening to see businesses bustling again and people enjoying the outdoors without having to wear masks.

Singapore is opening up. I look forward to the opportunities (not just job opportunities) this opening up will bring.

Doing things differently

I’ve started living on my own more often. It’s freeing to have a whole home to myself, so that I can do whatever I want at the times that suit me. I now split my time between my family home and my other home.

I’ve been volunteering more. My company is big on volunteering and presents its staff with many opportunities to give back. I’ve done mentoring, food preparation at a soup kitchen, and more. On my birthday this year, I joined some sales colleagues in packing groceries at a food bank. It feels nice to be of service to people who need help.

Drawing is a constant in my life now. I balance both drawing digitally and drawing on paper. There’s so much to learn on both fronts, and it helps to remind myself of how far my skills have grown. I have big drawing goals to hit this year.

Now, I have a chance to do things differently with my career.

Answering the call to adventure

I’m in no hurry to get a new job.

I feel like this end of contract is a chance to make a radical change. Have a new start at new things, learn new skills, and meet new people. Having done content marketing for about seven years already, I’m interested in exploring other fields. So, I’ve been talking to people, learning about their jobs, motivations, and passions.

This is not my first time doing a career change. I trust that I have the skills and resourcefulness to pull this off again.

Forward I go. No concrete destination in mind yet, just trusting that forward is the right direction and precession will bring opportunities. I hope I never lose my curiosity about the world, my sense of adventure, and above all, hope in the future.

Happy birthday.

Birthday 2021: “Don’t fall in love with your own suffering”

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Pain and suffering

Looking back at many of my old posts, it occurred to me that pain and suffering were common themes.

I’ve written about depression, anxiety and fear, bullying, and unemployment. At one point, I even thought I was cursed.

Somehow, I overcame these setbacks. Only for my world to fall apart when I got laid off.

During those low points in my life, I was scared. Resentful. Bitter. Hated myself and hated the world.

But.

I was never suicidal. I think I was too coward to contemplate such a drastic move.

Nor did I seriously think of causing actual mayhem and violence.

Never went full nihilist, too.

In short, I managed to avoid succumbing to the darkness. What went right?

I never meant to fetishize my pain

I wrote about it a lot because writing is how I make sense of difficult and complicated things.

Of late, I’ve been thinking a lot about victimhood, as well as pain and suffering.

Lots of people talking about being victims these days. Some have actual grievances and trauma. Others identify with oppressed groups, emphasise their victim status, and compete in a victimhood Olympics.

That got me thinking about my victimhood. All the bad things that ever happened to me, and how I reacted to them.

“Don’t fall in love with your own suffering”

The full quote, uttered by Slavoj Zizek during a debate with Jordan Peterson about happiness, goes:

“Don’t fall in love with your own suffering. Never presume that your suffering is in itself a proof of your authenticity.”

My suffering has shaped me in many ways. It stamped the youthful naivete out of me. Made me more hardboiled, more cynical about some things. But I also grappled with depression, anxiety, and resentment. I had to struggle against falling too deep into the abyss, lest I can’t find myself ever again.

But, as I said, I don’t fetishize my suffering. In the sense that I don’t see my suffering as core to my authenticity or identity. For all that I have been through, I do not see myself as a victim.

I don’t want to be a victim. After the tears dry, after the resentment burns away, after all the harsh words have been said, after I wake up from trying to sleep the pain away…then what? I find that wallowing in victimhood for too long achieves nothing concrete.

There has to be a better way.

I want to be the hero of my story

I noticed that at the end of every post I’ve ever written about my pain and suffering, I always try to end on a hopeful note.

That hope represents a kind of existential courage.

I am the hero of my story. I overcame many kinds of setbacks and hardships, and grew stronger and wiser along the way.

What worked for me, over and over again, is my belief that that forward is the way to go. No matter what difficult situation I find myself in.

If the future is too overwhelming and frightening to think of, take things one day at a time. Revel in the present, appreciate the little things, and keep an open mind. Don’t be too proud to ask for support; there are people (even strangers) who care. Be kind in turn.

The important thing is to be on a forward moving trajectory. Head somewhere, anywhere. Being in motion sets off discovery, growth, and change. I find that if I keep moving long enough, eventually, I will chance upon some opportunities.

My suffering doesn’t define me. I can grow from my suffering. I know I will encounter more setbacks and hardships further down the road. But I believe that with courage, competence, honesty, and a good heart, I will be able to overcome them too.

At this point of my life, I am happy

Around this time last year, I was jobless and living under lockdown. My depression was back. The future seemed so uncertain and I didn’t quite know what to do with myself.

How far I’ve come since then.

I sit in my childhood room, decorated to my liking. Chill anime music plays from my laptop. A fitting song too: Get it by your hands (AtomH Remix), by Hiroshi Watanabe.

The night is cool and not too humid.

There are people who love me, and I love them in turn.

I have a job with opportunities for growth. I have hobbies that I take seriously. I’m healthy.

Some things could be better, of course. But I’m happy. Life is meaningful and that keeps me going.

I’m the hero of my story, and the call to adventure beckons me forward.

Happy birthday.

Courage, competence, and Jordan Peterson

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Who’s afraid of Jordan B. Peterson?

The far left, far right, and the “woke” crowd aren’t fans for sure.

Peterson has clashed with these folks on a variety of political and cultural issues. He shot to fame when he stood up against compelled speech. He lambasted the “pseudo-moralistic stances” of social justice activists. Also, who can forget that (in)famous interview he did with Cathy Newman?

Peterson is staunchly against identity politics and political correctness. He gets a lot of hate for being outspoken about his views. In fact, Peterson once remarked that he has been called almost every pejorative, except paedophile.

“Internet Dad”

At the same time, Peterson is a source of inspiration to millions of fans. Men and women alike. All over the world.

Peterson is a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology. He speaks about many of the challenges that modern society grapples with. Gender equality. Political polarisation. Anxiety and depression. Relationships with the opposite sex. Plus, so much more.

To fans, Peterson is an “Internet Dad”. He speaks from a deep well of knowledge and experience. He helps them successfully navigate the chaos and harsh realities of life. Peterson is also brutally frank about the moral failings he sees in people.

Failings that people know, in their hearts, are holding them back from achieving their full potential.

What Peterson taught me

I first came to know about Peterson from a friend. My friend had recently begun picking up his life, after drifting around aimlessly for years. He said that Peterson was an inspiration.

Intrigued, I looked Peterson up. I watched the Peterson-Newman interview and got even more intrigued. I borrowed his book, 12 rules for life, from the library and devoured it in two weeks. Then, I watched more YouTube videos of Peterson’s lectures and interviews.

A copy of 12 rules for life, by Jordan Peterson, that I got at the library.

Having read and watched a lot of Peterson, I’ve been thinking about what are my top takeaways from him. It’s hard to distil a few key learnings, from across Peterson’s vast body of lessons, but here’s what I’ve gleaned:

Peterson on suffering and failure

All humans are guaranteed a good dose of suffering. If suffering is not happening now, then it will, sooner or later.

Terrible suffering happens, even to good people. This harsh reality of life can be horrifying and unbearable. Enough to corrupt people, and drive them to nihilism, vengefulness, and suicide.

Sure, most people don’t react to suffering in such extreme ways. But Peterson observes that people often make their suffering worse by their ignorance and malevolence. They pursue impulsive pleasures, fritter their time away, refuse to grow up, and more.

But everyone knows, deep down, that they can’t escape the consequences of their moral failings.

They despair about their failure to seize the opportunities before them. They berate themselves for their uselessness. When they let their lives go off the rails, they know, all too well, that they’ve hurt the people who love them.

Peterson on meaning and responsibility

So, how should people respond to the suffering they face or the suffering they see around them?

Peterson’s recommendation is to “accept the terrible responsibility of life with eyes wide open.”

Rise above despair and the victim mentality. Voluntarily confront the undeniable suffering and harsh realities of life. People also need to acknowledge the moral failings that contribute to their suffering and see that they’re not where they could be.

Then, face the demands of life with courage. Find meaning by taking up responsibilities. These include building competence, becoming a reliable person, and caring for the self.

Meaning can also be found by answering the call to adventure and venturing out of comfort zones. In the course of adventure, one uncovers hidden potential within the self. Peterson is a huge believer in human potential. “The world needs you even if you don’t need it” he insists.

If that sounds like a lot of work, it is. A responsibility-free life is more tempting. But a responsibility-free life is never meaningful. It’s one impulsive pursuit after another, and ultimately, pointless.

So, start taking personal responsibility. The weightier the responsibility, the more meaningful and engaging life will be. Peterson is adamant that people take responsibility for their lives first, before they try to change the world.

Peterson on truth and courage

Towards the end of one interview, the journalist asked Peterson how he’d like to be remembered.

His response was a simple “as someone honest.”

Peterson considers honesty so important that he dedicated a chapter to it in his 12 rules for life book. That’s rule eight, “Tell the truth — or, at least, don’t lie”. My favourite rule.

The idea is to act in truth as far possible. Sure, it can be hard to know the truth for various reasons, like ignorance and confusion. But the least one could do is to avoid lying. Lying weakens the self. When people act in a way that is at odds with how they truly feel, or in a way that denies reality, they cannot solve challenges in an optimal way.

Peterson recommends that people articulate what they believe to be true as carefully as possible. Then, accept the outcome. “Assume that your truth, as lived and spoken, will produce the best possible outcome” he advises. “It’s an act of faith. But so is every other way of being.”

Being truthful takes courage. There is a risk of making someone upset or angry when they know the truth. There may even be social repercussions.

But acting in truth also produces good and order. Forthright communication about problems can heal relationships. When one is honest, people know that this is a person who can be counted upon during a crisis. “It’s better to live courageously than cowardly,” Peterson insists. “Better to live in truth than in deceit.”

What all these mean for me

After my exposure to Peterson, I noticed changes in my behaviour. I’m waking up earlier. I slack off less and have become more productive. There’s a stronger sense of purpose and fearlessness. I plan to keep at all these and do better.

Inspired by Peterson, I have also decided on my two themes of 2021: courage and competence.

To be courageous is to seek adventures that lie beyond my comfort zone and take on the challenges that I will inevitably confront. All while staying true and honest to myself.

Competence is honing my skills in the activities that are meaningful to me, especially my art. I want to level up my art and get recognised more. Competence is also about building myself up to be someone who can be trusted and relied on during difficult times.

It’s almost the end of February. One-sixth of 2021 is over, already. But I haven’t been idle; I’ve been setting goals for 2021 based on my two themes. I’ve taken action on some of these already and the results have been encouraging.

Thank you, Jordan B. Peterson. Congratulations on the launch of 12 more rules of life today, I can’t wait to read it! 😊

What I learnt from surviving 2020

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I was high up in the Alishan mountains of Taiwan when I welcomed 2020.

I was there to watch the first sunrise of the year. When the sun ascended above the mountain peaks, the crowd of viewers roared with delight. I remember feeling a surge of hope and joy as I murmured my wishes for the year.

In 2020, I wanted to show myself. That meant levelling up and realising a lot more of my potential.

Then things fell apart

High up in the mountains, full of hope and optimism, who expected the world to turn upside down a month later?

A pandemic happened.

I got laid off for the first time.

A week later, Singapore went into lockdown.

I fell into a depression again.

Political events, at home and abroad, shocked and horrified me.

It took months to get over the trauma, even after I got a new and better job.

It was quite a traumatising year, when I look back at all that happened.

But through it all, I learned and gained a few important things…

The power of human connections

I couldn’t have survived 2020 without the family, friends, and even strangers who helped and supported me.

But I didn’t just rely on others to notice me and reach out. In fact, I found myself reaching out to people a lot more. I reconnected with friends and asked to meet them. I even forged new connections with like-minded people. This is a big deal for an introvert like me.

Perhaps it was the isolating effects of the lockdown, combined with virtual meeting fatigue. The pandemic also made me painfully aware of my own mortality. In any case, I craved real human interactions. I craved them enough to put my introversion aside and ask people out.

Through connecting with others, I learned more about myself. I also learned that I am not alone.

Gratitude, hope, and precession

The alternative scenario to the above would be to wallow in misery, entitlement, and resentment.

It would be easy to, because I was having such a hard time. But everyone had it bad in one way or another this year. In the grand scheme of things, my suffering was not special. So, instead of focusing so much on my pain, I needed to direct my energy elsewhere.

I appreciated the present as much as I could. I looked into the night sky and said my thanks. There were many things to be thankful for: my new job, people who care about me, good health, etc. I tried to be kind to others as far as possible, as they were probably suffering too.

All while moving forward, one day at a time. Movement sparks opportunities, and there is no shortage of opportunities. Even during a pandemic.

I’m more resilient than I think

I didn’t just survive 2020.

I grew, too. Today, I’m doing well at a job that is better than the one I left in every aspect. I maintained good relationships and built new ones. My art levelled up in terms of technique. I read more books this year.

All these in spite of a pandemic and recession.

What kept me going was that I didn’t want to fall behind. I couldn’t control the pandemic or recession. But I couldn’t let myself waste a whole year wallowing in self-pity and making excuses for myself. That was a more horrific scenario to me. So, I showed myself, to the best of my ability and health.

I didn’t manage to achieve everything I wanted. But I achieved more than I thought I would.

Looking ahead

Today, at the tail-end of 2020, there is a glimmer of hope on the COVID-19 front.

Vaccines are now available and mass vaccination programmes have begun in various parts of the world. I don’t know how things will pan out next year, but I am cautiously optimistic.

What I know for sure is that this will not be the last crisis that I face. The world has been changing fast, even before COVID-19 came along and caused major upheaval. What other crises or disruptions await us, further down the road?

I cannot be entitled or complacent. The onus is on me to learn, adapt, and stay open to possibilities. It’ll be ideal if I could be what Nassim Nicholas Taleb calls antifragile. Antifragility is one level above resilience. An antifragile person doesn’t just withstand shocks, they grow more powerful from exposure to shocks.

Something to work towards in 2021!