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Not your average writer

Birthday 2023: AI and I

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My birthday

What a time to be alive

I hear that the world is in the midst of another industrial revolution. This time, the revolution is powered by artificial intelligence (AI).

Of course, there’s nothing new about AI. AI has been around since the mid-20th century. There’s also nothing new about people predicting that AI will upend the world and life as we know it.

So, what’s all this sudden excitement (and trepidation) about a revolution?

Last year, 2022, OpenAI released the conversational AI chatbot ChatGPT. ChatGPT can converse with users about pretty much any topic in a human-like way. It can also quickly write essays, poems, songs, emails, and many kinds of text. Again, in a human-like way.

Then there’re the rise of AI image generators like Midjourney. These can produce photos, cartoons, fanart, and other digital images almost as well as a human artist.

Many people did not expect AI to reach this almost human stage so soon. Some tech leaders are calling for a halt to any further AI developments. Sceptics say that there is way too much hype about what AI can possibly do. Regular people wonder what an increasingly intelligent AI means for their job security and livelihoods.

In the midst of all these developments, there’s me

Trying to find my place in a world that is changing faster and faster.

Trying to do meaningful work in a world where AI is deployed in almost every industry.

Trying to be creative in a world where AI can produce creative work that looks pretty convincing.

I’ve always been the broody, introspective sort. So, I can’t help but observe all the tech and social developments around me and wonder about their implications. For me, for the people I love, for humanity as a whole. Short-term implications and long-term ones.

What does it mean to be human, especially in a world where AI is growing faster in terms of intelligence?

What does it mean to be a good human, in a highly technological society?

Is universal basic income really the answer to AI taking over the workforce?

How feasible would it be to build AI based on Asimov’s three laws of robotics?

Will we eventually have androids that look and behave almost exactly like humans, like the ones Phillip K. Dick envisioned?

Perhaps we won’t have highly convincing androids, but cybernetically enhanced humans, like in Cyberpunk: Edgerunners?

A ship of Theseus type problem: If we’re more and more cybernetically enhanced, at what point do we lose our humanity and become robots?

What will my next birthday look like?

It’ll be interesting to see what kind of answers I will arrive at, by the time my next birthday rolls around. Given that technology is advancing faster and faster, I won’t be surprised if 2024 turns out to be a different world.

I don’t think I’ll have any definite answers to my questions come next year. I bet I’ll have new questions to ask myself.

Or not.

Some questions are classic and eternal.

Happy birthday.

Birthday 2022: Where to next?

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My job contract is ending soon.

This has nothing to do with my work performance, or something I did. I’m not leaving on a bad note. The company is good in many ways and it would have been nice to become a full-timer. Some things weren’t meant to be, I guess.

That said, I’m not too sad. Two years there is long enough. It’s about time to move on to a new adventure.

What would that new adventure look like, I wonder?

Where I have been

I’ve been doing a lot of self-discovery and introspection throughout the pandemic.

What do I want? What’s meaningful to me? How do I get what I want? Who should I speak to? Etc.

All that musing is partly why I have not written for this blog for months. I didn’t know where to go with the blog. More specifically, I was trying to figure out various aspects of life and didn’t know what was worth writing about.

I don’t want to miss writing a birthday post though, which is why I have resurfaced.

Normalcy returns, opportunities beckon

I got laid off in March 2020.  A few weeks later, Singapore, like many other parts of the world, went into lockdown. So much uncertainty, fear, and stress.

I joined this company in Jun 2020. Everything about my job has happened online. From the interviews to onboarding to the day-to-day work. I have never once stepped into the office as there is no strong reason for me to do so. I don’t even have a staff pass. The only times I have met my colleagues are at a couple of team lunches.

Now my job is coming to an end, just as the pandemic is winding down. It is heartening to see businesses bustling again and people enjoying the outdoors without having to wear masks.

Singapore is opening up. I look forward to the opportunities (not just job opportunities) this opening up will bring.

Doing things differently

I’ve started living on my own more often. It’s freeing to have a whole home to myself, so that I can do whatever I want at the times that suit me. I now split my time between my family home and my other home.

I’ve been volunteering more. My company is big on volunteering and presents its staff with many opportunities to give back. I’ve done mentoring, food preparation at a soup kitchen, and more. On my birthday this year, I joined some sales colleagues in packing groceries at a food bank. It feels nice to be of service to people who need help.

Drawing is a constant in my life now. I balance both drawing digitally and drawing on paper. There’s so much to learn on both fronts, and it helps to remind myself of how far my skills have grown. I have big drawing goals to hit this year.

Now, I have a chance to do things differently with my career.

Answering the call to adventure

I’m in no hurry to get a new job.

I feel like this end of contract is a chance to make a radical change. Have a new start at new things, learn new skills, and meet new people. Having done content marketing for about seven years already, I’m interested in exploring other fields. So, I’ve been talking to people, learning about their jobs, motivations, and passions.

This is not my first time doing a career change. I trust that I have the skills and resourcefulness to pull this off again.

Forward I go. No concrete destination in mind yet, just trusting that forward is the right direction and precession will bring opportunities. I hope I never lose my curiosity about the world, my sense of adventure, and above all, hope in the future.

Happy birthday.

What I learnt from surviving 2020

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I was high up in the Alishan mountains of Taiwan when I welcomed 2020.

I was there to watch the first sunrise of the year. When the sun ascended above the mountain peaks, the crowd of viewers roared with delight. I remember feeling a surge of hope and joy as I murmured my wishes for the year.

In 2020, I wanted to show myself. That meant levelling up and realising a lot more of my potential.

Then things fell apart

High up in the mountains, full of hope and optimism, who expected the world to turn upside down a month later?

A pandemic happened.

I got laid off for the first time.

A week later, Singapore went into lockdown.

I fell into a depression again.

Political events, at home and abroad, shocked and horrified me.

It took months to get over the trauma, even after I got a new and better job.

It was quite a traumatising year, when I look back at all that happened.

But through it all, I learned and gained a few important things…

The power of human connections

I couldn’t have survived 2020 without the family, friends, and even strangers who helped and supported me.

But I didn’t just rely on others to notice me and reach out. In fact, I found myself reaching out to people a lot more. I reconnected with friends and asked to meet them. I even forged new connections with like-minded people. This is a big deal for an introvert like me.

Perhaps it was the isolating effects of the lockdown, combined with virtual meeting fatigue. The pandemic also made me painfully aware of my own mortality. In any case, I craved real human interactions. I craved them enough to put my introversion aside and ask people out.

Through connecting with others, I learned more about myself. I also learned that I am not alone.

Gratitude, hope, and precession

The alternative scenario to the above would be to wallow in misery, entitlement, and resentment.

It would be easy to, because I was having such a hard time. But everyone had it bad in one way or another this year. In the grand scheme of things, my suffering was not special. So, instead of focusing so much on my pain, I needed to direct my energy elsewhere.

I appreciated the present as much as I could. I looked into the night sky and said my thanks. There were many things to be thankful for: my new job, people who care about me, good health, etc. I tried to be kind to others as far as possible, as they were probably suffering too.

All while moving forward, one day at a time. Movement sparks opportunities, and there is no shortage of opportunities. Even during a pandemic.

I’m more resilient than I think

I didn’t just survive 2020.

I grew, too. Today, I’m doing well at a job that is better than the one I left in every aspect. I maintained good relationships and built new ones. My art levelled up in terms of technique. I read more books this year.

All these in spite of a pandemic and recession.

What kept me going was that I didn’t want to fall behind. I couldn’t control the pandemic or recession. But I couldn’t let myself waste a whole year wallowing in self-pity and making excuses for myself. That was a more horrific scenario to me. So, I showed myself, to the best of my ability and health.

I didn’t manage to achieve everything I wanted. But I achieved more than I thought I would.

Looking ahead

Today, at the tail-end of 2020, there is a glimmer of hope on the COVID-19 front.

Vaccines are now available and mass vaccination programmes have begun in various parts of the world. I don’t know how things will pan out next year, but I am cautiously optimistic.

What I know for sure is that this will not be the last crisis that I face. The world has been changing fast, even before COVID-19 came along and caused major upheaval. What other crises or disruptions await us, further down the road?

I cannot be entitled or complacent. The onus is on me to learn, adapt, and stay open to possibilities. It’ll be ideal if I could be what Nassim Nicholas Taleb calls antifragile. Antifragility is one level above resilience. An antifragile person doesn’t just withstand shocks, they grow more powerful from exposure to shocks.

Something to work towards in 2021!

How to survive a layoff (and more layoffs)

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Startup yacht party 2020
Company yacht party in Jan 2020. Two months later, the business went downhill.

 

After I received the news that I was one of two people who got laid off, I went out of the office.

I went through the motions of eating a simple hawker centre lunch. Then I walked around the Central Business District, trying to clear my thoughts. It was a sunny afternoon. The lunch crowd was out and about. I observed the hustle and bustle around me wearily.

I had just lost my job amidst a pandemic. A global recession loomed.

How could the world go on so normally?

Not alone

Part of dealing with the pain of a layoff was wanting to know that I wasn’t alone.

I was far from being alone.

Anna (not her real name) told me she was laid off twice.

The first time was when she worked at the Hong Kong office of her old company. Everyone in that office got laid off.

“The second occasion was when I worked at a startup” she told me. “I was only two months into my job when it happened. About 10 months later, that startup went bankrupt. The startup didn’t even have money to pay its remaining staff their salaries for the previous month!”

As the pandemic unfolded, layoffs began everywhere.

From small businesses to global corporations, startups to famous brands, companies were letting people go.

I learnt that layoffs were often beyond employees’ control. It’s not my fault. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, especially since no company has been spared from the recession.

“Why me?!”

Rosalie (not her real name) was one of my colleagues at the startup that laid me off. She told me, “I’ve been laid off three times before.”

“Three?!” One layoff was destabilising enough.

“Yes. At one place, after I got the news, I returned my desk to find that I couldn’t use my computer. Leaving that place made me angry. I implemented various processes there and got good performance reviews. Yet, they laid me off.”

I understood the anger Rosalie felt. I, too, had made concrete contributions to the startup. In fact, I was one of its earliest batch of employees. My layoff felt personal, even though it wasn’t. “Why me?!” was a recurring thought in my head.

I missed the team most. Smart, warm, and helpful folks. We were more than colleagues; we were a community. I’ve never felt like that towards colleagues before. Having to leave them made the layoff more painful.

Overcoming grief

Singapore went under lockdown.

I fell back into a depression.

I was so frustrated with the pandemic, and the havoc it wrecked on my life, that I told my therapist that I didn’t care if I got COVID-19.

Somehow, I got through those dark days.

To my surprise and delight, I even got a job. A much better job at a global tech corporation, where Anna worked. She gave me a referral.

I worked hard at my new job. It was challenging to transition from a startup to a corporation. So many new processes and technologies to learn. But the move was absolutely worthwhile in terms of career growth. My new team is great, too.

The emotional impact of my layoff did not disappear immediately after I started my new job, though. I told my therapist about an “undercurrent of sadness” that ran through my day-to-day life.

“It’s grief,” she told me. “Give yourself time to heal and be patient.”

Second layoff

One sunny afternoon, mid-August. My phone buzzed while I was working.

It was a WhatsApp message from an ex-colleague.

There had been a second layoff at the startup.

I froze.

A sick feeling grew in the pit of my stomach, the same feeling I had when I learnt about my layoff. I knew, from keeping in touch with some ex-colleagues, that the startup had not been doing well. But I didn’t know things were THIS bad.

This time, ten people were laid off. Almost every department was affected. Some of the people who were let go were capable folks who made big contributions.

A realisation hit me in the gut. As painful as it was, being among the first to get laid off was a blessing in disguise. It was better to leave early, before things went downhill and the second layoff happened.

I asked Rosalie, “There was a layoff earlier this year. Everyone who remained took pay cuts. You guys were going to give up the office and go full remote. But somehow all that was not enough to save the startup?”

No, she said, it was not enough. There were deeper business problems.

Rosalie dropped another bombshell, “I have resigned.”

She was done with the startup.

So were other people.

The startup is now about half the size it was at the beginning of this year, and a shadow of its former self.

Not again

One morning, a few weeks after the second layoff, I clicked open an email from my department head.

There was a layoff at the corporation. Anna was among them.Startup yacht party 2020

Not again.

I couldn’t concentrate at work that morning.

That afternoon, my supervisor spoke to me about the layoff.

The corporation wasn’t struggling financially. In fact, it was growing on the whole. But the pandemic forced a rethink of the business direction. Some areas of the business were deprioritised. Unfortunately, that meant having to lay about 1,000 people off.

The people will get good severance packages and help in finding new jobs, my supervisor assured me. “Anna will be fine,” she said. “She is a capable person and has many contacts.”

My supervisor remarked, quietly. “I was laid off too, years ago. Back when I worked in Hong Kong. Over several months, the people in my department got laid off, one by one. Eventually, it was down to me and my boss. She laid me off.”

I messaged Anna to find out how she’s doing.

She said she was doing all right and was happy with the outcome.

I trust that things would work out for Anna. She’s definitely a capable and well-connected person. I am glad that the corporation is supporting everyone who got laid off too.

But I still don’t get why she had to go, when the corporation was growing on the whole.

Familiar surroundings

Late October.

I was near the Central Business District and decided to walk through it, along my way home.

I passed by places where I used to go for lunch. Past the shophouse area where I used to work. Past the area where I wandered around months ago, reeling in shock from the layoff.

It felt a little strange to be in these familiar surroundings again.

For a moment, I wondered if I should visit the startup office. Just for nostalgic reasons.

Then I decided against it and continued towards the train station.

I had no time for a detour.

More importantly, the startup wasn’t there anymore. The team had gone full remote. It’s not the same anyway, since almost half of the team had moved on already.

Most importantly, so had I.

I feel happy

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Murals at Pagoda Street in Chinatown

One evening in late August 2020

I was cycling around my neighbourhood.

Just a leisurely cycle, something that I do to keep fit. Ever since I began working from home, I have been cycling more often. I like cycling in the evenings best. The evening air is cool and crisp. When I cycle past houses, I can smell various kinds of dinners cooking. Sometimes, I look up and see the stars.

That evening, as I cycled, I was suddenly aware of this feeling in my heart.

It’s as if my heart was floating, rather than being weighed down by something. A pleasant, peaceful, and buoyant feeling. Could this be what people mean when they talk about “lightness of the heart”?

I feel happy, I realised. A smile bloomed on my face.

It’s been a while since I truly felt this beautiful feeling.

This has been a hard year

COVID-19.

Getting laid off.

Depression hitting me hard again.

Pandemic fatigue.

Plus, other things that I do not talk about publicly.

It’s not just me. I know other people who have lost their jobs, lost loved ones, or got divorced.

As a result of everything that has been happening, my mental health was erratic this year. I felt helpless, angry, uncertain, anxious, stressed, sad… At one point, I even considered getting depression medication.

Still, I soldier on

Somehow.

I remind myself about precession. Forward, forward, just go forward. Who knows what opportunities I might stumble upon, along the way?

I worked hard at my new job.

I read books.

I drew with a vengeance.

It’s not that I was in a constant state of depression. I did smile, laugh, and fool around. I was happiest the day I got the news about my new job.

Just that there was an undercurrent of sadness in spite of everything happening around me.

“It’s grief,” my therapist told me. “Give yourself time to heal and be patient.”

One day at a time.

What getting better looks like

That lightness of the heart I experienced in late August was a milestone for me.

It made me realise that I was truly getting better. I’m making progress with my life, in spite of how tumultuous this year has been.

I still read, work, and draw. I’m doing great on these fronts.

But I am also coming out of my shell to build human connections. Old ones and new ones. For an introvert like me, this is a big development. I’m picking up new skills too.

My mental health remains a work in progress. In fact, a couple of weeks after that August evening, I had an anxiety attack and burst into tears. Pandemic fatigue is still real. So is uncertainty about the future.

But these days, I smile more and my heart feels lighter. My various projects keep me going. Cycling, walking, and yoga keep me healthy. I have people who care about me (and I, them). I’m alive and well.

Sometimes, I actually look forward to the future.

What (almost) no one talked about during the 2020 elections

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The Singapore skyline as seen from The Esplanade

The Singapore General Elections 2020 came and went earlier this month.

I was disappointed.

To clarify, this is not going to be one of those political analysis type posts. I’m not going to deep dive into who said what back when with what consequences. Many people have already written about the election and its results more eloquently and incisively than I can.

This post talks about the election. But it’s not really about the election.

What frustrates me about the election discourse

I watched several of the live broadcasts. Followed the latest happenings on the mainstream and social media. Read the political manifestos that I found in my mailbox.

The hot topics of this election were not much different from the previous two elections. Cost of living. Political diversity (or lack thereof). Jobs for Singaporeans (or lack thereof). Gerrymandering and censorship. There were a few new faces that stirred interest (and controversy). Otherwise, pretty much the same old issues, same old arguments.

But this election is not a “same old” election.

Singapore held this election under extraordinary circumstances. The election happened against the backdrop of the COVID-19 pandemic, which is still accelerating in various parts of the world. Lives have been turned upside down and there is so much uncertainty about the future. It’s not just a public health crisis. The economic fallout will be massive and there will be social ramifications too.

Yet, I don’t get the sense that voters and politicians realise the magnitude of the crisis Singapore is caught up in. Folks do acknowledge that the COVID-19 situation is a big deal. However, many of the proposed policies don’t reflect that. In fact, people are too busy mudslinging and trying to cancel opinions that they don’t like by filing frivolous police reports.

Meanwhile, the world is changing. If Singapore continues to navel-gaze and ignore the wider context of global trends, the country will be screwed.

Jobs, for example, will fundamentally change

Take the issue of jobs for Singaporeans. Huge topic.

So much talk about putting Singaporeans first when it comes to jobs, reducing the number of foreign workers in Singapore, creating more jobs for Singaporeans (but unclear what kind), etc.

No mention about the fact that the nature of work is changing. Remote work is now the norm in many parts of the world and there are many benefits to it. What’s stopping businesses from hiring more people remotely if they cannot find the talent they want on local ground? Therefore, Singaporeans are not just competing with the foreigners they see in Singapore. Soon, Singaporeans might find themselves competing on the global stage.

I am also surprised that no one said a thing about the impact of automation and artificial intelligence. Digital transformation is now a priority for many businesses and governments are encouraging it. Automation and artificial intelligence are appealing because human resources are tight but work still needs to get done. Heck, my previous company, a startup, is working on artificial intelligence that essentially does the work of a sales development rep. Technology still has a long way to go, of course. But it could still end up displacing loads of jobs.

So, tell me again, how do we ensure jobs for Singaporeans in the light of remote work and technological advances?

How to prepare for an unknown future?

That’s just jobs.

I imagine that there will be fundamental changes in education, food, travel, healthcare, urban planning, etc. To be fair, it’s hard to see what those changes will be and how they will pan out over time. But that’s no excuse for not thinking and planning long-term.

Singapore will have to rethink many of the tried-and-tested ways it does things.

The country will also have to avoid getting even more polarised than it already is. Left-wing versus right-wing. Ruling party versus opposition. Young voters versus old voters. Majority versus minority. Locals versus foreigners. People can’t be disunited in the face of the crisis of a century.

What about at the individual level?

I believe in taking personal responsibility over my life. That includes making sure that my skills are sharp and that I am agile enough to deal with whatever life throws at me. I don’t feel entitled to handouts from whichever party is in power, just because I am a Singaporean.

In fact, given the uncertainties of the future, it’s more important than ever to be antifragile. That is, be the kind of person who grows stronger from exposure to stress, disruption, and change.

How? I’m still learning and working that out.